


Between Chocolates and Sass

by Zanya



Series: Falling Between the Lines [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Established Relationship, Gift Giving, Holidays, Humor, M/M, Post-Canon, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 10:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanya/pseuds/Zanya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days Roy wonders how he gets anything done, especially when Ed comes to visit with another gift from another holiday he's never heard of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Between Chocolates and Sass

Roy sighed and looked down at the haphazard box of chocolates that sat on his desk. The box appeared to have been put through hell, and he had to wonder why none of the candy inside had been smashed to bits along with the corners. At one point, it looked like it had been heart-shaped with a bow wrapped around it. Now it was more rounded and there were ribbons clinging onto it for dear life. Ed had even dressed fancier than normal, wearing a button-up white shirt and black slacks. Of course the shirt had the first few buttons undone. Roy’s suspicions senses tingled madly over the whole scene.

A small card lay inside the box next to the chocolate. Roy picked it up and read: 

 

_To my dear, beloved, General Bastard,_

_I wrote you a little poem of sorts that goes like this:_

_I like you,_

_You like me,_

_Let’s have sex later on your kitchen table,_

_And then drink tea._

_P.S. The floor will work too, but I doubt we’re gonna make it all the way to the bedroom,  
and the tea is in the kitchen, so yeah. _

_P.S.P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day. Sorry the box looks weird. It got beat up during  
shipping. _

 

Roy’s lips twitched, but he held back the grin that wanted to explode across his face. He put the card back into the box and glanced up. Ed looked at him, expectantly, and he knew, just knew that somehow this was related to some obscure holiday from somewhere Ed had visited. He also realized that somehow he had been left in the dust again and unprepared. 

Amestris didn’t have any holidays where they gave out chocolate in the middle of February. It made much more sense to him to do something like that during spring, when loved seemed to bloom all around. Instead, Ed stared him down with a half-grin—that appeared to be more like a manic episode—and waited. 

“What’s this for?” Roy loosened his shirt collar and decided he would get straight to the point instead of guessing. “Did I make your morning so wonderful that you felt the need to buy me some chocolates as a reward?”

“No,” Ed frowned for a moment before the crazed grin reappeared. “You read the note, right? It says what it’s for.”

Roy folded his hands together and calmly looked Ed in the eye. “Edward, you really should tell me about these new holidays you want to try out beforehand. I haven’t even gotten you anything because I had no idea that a,” he quickly glanced down at the card for reference, “Valentine’s Day existed.”

“Well, see, right there. That’s the problem.” Ed pointed a finger at him accusingly, though his tone was somewhat gentle. “You’re looking to become leader of Amestris, and you don’t know about these things. But you should. It’d be a great way to win other countries over during negotiations. And this is something that came from Aerugo so you should know about it since you’ve been there so many times.” 

“I generally go during late spring and early fall. As far as I know, they don’t celebrate much during those times.” Roy moved the box of chocolates a little to his left. “It’s a wonder how you manage to pick up so much during your travels without mentioning it to me first.” 

Ed gave him a look that said he knew bullshit when he heard it. “Right. That’s because I do this small thing called immersing myself into the culture when I visit. You might want to try it sometime. It’ll keep you on your toes so you don’t look like some drunk pedestrian in the headlights on a Friday night.”

Roy laughed. He honestly didn’t know where Ed came up with these things sometimes. “Is that so? You know, it wouldn’t be too much to give me a heads up and tell me you want to try something new.”

“Of course it wouldn’t be too hard to do that, but it’s nowhere near as much fun as watching that long-suffering expression you get on your face when I surprise you with it.” Ed’s mouth twisted up into a full grin now. “Besides, it’ll keep you thinking fresh. Don’t wanna feel old and stagnant, do you?”

“That’s an awful thing to say to your,” Roy again had to look at the card for help. “Beloved General Bastard.”

“Boy, that was a mouth full, wasn’t it.” Ed chuckled and moved closer so that he was almost half on top of Roy’s desk. “You’ve been working too hard if you forgot what I called you in the card.”

“It was the beloved part that threw me off,” Roy sniffed while plucking a chocolate from the box and setting it down in front of him. “And there’s no such thing as working too hard.”

“There is if you can’t even concentrate enough without looking at what I wrote.” Ed reached over and pulled the card off the box. Roy tried to grab it back but missed. “What’re you gonna do now that you can’t read it for reference? Maybe you’ll have to rely on your wits and sass to get by.”

“My sass, huh?” Roy raised an eyebrow to that. “And what exactly will my sass get me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’ll get you something special when you’re done with work. Maybe. If you’re sassy enough.” Ed’s grin widened. “I can’t really say exactly what you’ll get in here because, you know, you get all weird when I do more than imply things while you’re working. But you’re a smart man. I’m sure you can imagine some of the possibilities. If you can make that old memory of yours work and remember what the poem inside the card said.”

Now Ed was playing hardball. Distraction seemed key here. Leaning in closer, Roy whispered, “That’s because Hawkeye will kick both our butts if we talk about anything too inappropriate here. She’s always lurking around, listening, especially when you least expect it.” 

“Well, I can tell you,” Ed tapped his fingers against the box of chocolate, “That I have a lot more planned than giving you candy, but you have to make it home, at a decent time tonight or else I may or may not be in bed by then.”

“May or may not be?” Roy folded his hands together and rested his chin on them. He leveled his gaze on Ed. “If perchance you aren’t, what will you be doing?”

“Things that old people cannot do.” Ed leaned in until their faces were mere inches apart. “Young people things, like research and learning new things without worry of senility settling in.”

“Too bad you don’t have the life experience for all the research and knowledge to actually pay off.” Roy leaned back and sighed that long-suffering sigh he knew Ed secretly loved. “Such a waste but there’s no salvaging you young ones nowadays.”

“Oh there are plenty of ways to salvage us if you only had the ambition and fortitude to try.” Ed mounted the desk and pressed his forehead against Roy’s and lowered his voice. “I’d have some suggestions but wouldn’t want to get you in trouble with your nanny.”

“If she ever catches you calling her that,” Roy brushed Ed’s bangs out of the way and rubbed his nose off of Ed’s. “She’ll have your hide.”

“I guess we’ll just have to keep that one between us then.” Ed lightly brushed their lips together before he leaned back and picked up a chocolate from the box. He unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth.

Roy narrowed his eyes at the swiping the chocolate but let it slide. “I suppose I can do if you’re offering adequate compensation later, regardless of when I get home tonight.”

Ed’s eyes got big like he was surprised at such a suggestion, but Roy knew better. “So that’s how you’re gonna play it. If I don’t do what you want, you’ll tell Hawkeye I’ve been a bad boy. I see how it is.”

“Good, then we’re both on the same page.” Roy tried the chocolate he had taken earlier. He had to admit, it was a nice treat in the middle of the day. The way it melted in his mouth down to a creamy center made him groan and his eyes roll back a little. 

“They’re really good, aren’t they?” Ed slid off the desk, grinned, and then winked at him. “It took me several times practicing so I wouldn’t get that sort of look on my face. Didn’t want to put ideas into your head or startle you at work.”

Roy finished chewing them swallowed. “What sort of look is that exactly?” 

Ed rested his hands on the lip of the desk and shrugged. “The kind you get when you’ve got your mouth wrapped around my—” 

“Edward, I think you’ve distracted the General long enough.” Hawkeye appeared in the doorway, and sometimes, like now, Roy could have sworn it was like magic. He hadn’t even heard her open the door and walk in. 

“Oh, yeah, sure. Right. Going now.” Ed stood up straight, grabbed his coat, and headed for the door, but not before he shot Roy a look and then glanced at the clock. With a nod of his head and something whispered that Roy did not catch, Ed slipped through the door, leaving almost no trace that he was there to begin with.

Roy sighed. His afternoon just got exponentially more boring. He eyed Hawkeye up before pushing the box of chocolates towards her. “Would you like one?”

She walked across the room and stood in front of his desk for a moment before picking up a chocolate. After examining it she opened it up and looked at Roy. “Let me guess, another one of his Aerugo exertions?” 

“Yes. He seems to pick these new holidays up fast.” Roy folded his hands together once more, carefully considering his next words. “So… how soon… can I get out of here today?”

She had the piece of chocolate halfway to her mouth before pausing. “You can get out of here by four if you finish all the paper work on your desk.” Hawkeye ate the candy and Roy felt mildly disappointed that she didn’t get a special look on her face from it. Then she tilted her mouth up into a smile. “And if you sign my vacation request for next week.”

“Fine, leave it on my desk.” Roy scowled before opening up his desk drawer and put the chocolates away before anyone else came in. Hawkeye did her disappearing act again and was gone before he even looked up. 

But the vacation request form sat on top of the other paper work. Roy pulled it in front of him and began filling it out. He’d get his work done alright, even if he had to skip lunch, and then he’d go home and show Ed a thing or two about being old and senile.

**Author's Note:**

> Today I realized that I probably should have written something for Valentine's Day, but honestly had not even thought about it until a few hours ago. So I wrote a small oneshot for my Falling Between the Lines series. Always fun writing these two in this verse. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys!


End file.
